Articles published in Bullshit.ist. Click on an article image below to read the full article. Samples below:

Bedroom: “I know it wasn’t in the picture, but I hope it’s okay that I store my doll collection in here. They’re all lined up against the wall so they won’t be in your way. And you know, they’re dolls, so they’ll just be still the whole night while you’re sleeping.”

 

His fingers trail between my buttocks spreading olive oil … Instantly the plug inside me starts to vibrate like a kitchen timer — down there! … It feels alien, full, forbidden … like unpasteurized cheese. But oh… so… good… As my body explodes, I’m nothing but sensation, everywhere.

 

“What did you do for your birthday last year?”
“Steve took me to a romantic dinner and told me he loved me.”
“And this year?”
“I found this great recipe on Pinterest and my cat Sammy is a stray so he doesn’t have an official birthday, so I made this awesome cake. It’s like a professional chef making tuna tartare where you have this white paper cone and then you fill it with chopped up tuna, crab meat, and Fancy Feast. Then I put a little candle on top, sang happy ‘Meowthday,’ and we had a wonderful celebration together. He’s been putting on some weight so I’ve put him on the South Beach Diet, so this was a perfect treat.”

 

3. “Philosophers have hitherto only interpreted the world in various ways; the point, however, is to change it” — Karl Marx
Why are you on Instagram? Marx in this quote is pointing towards curation. What do you want to be known for? Fitness? Travel? Crushing capitalism? Followers come when you have that one thing that they can rally behind.

 

5. African Voodoo Mask Wall Decoration
Suggest hanging this hand-carved creator of nightmares over their bed to remind them that something’s not right both when awake and in deep slumber. Preferably pick one focused on infertility to prevent Travis’s pricker of crushed dreams from filling sweet, sweet Karen with his demon child.

 

“Selling my hair does not sadden me at all,” says Priyanka, “Now I can feed my family and have a new way to express myself through colorful headscarves.” Last week, she made $50 by allowing a hair scout to shave her head clean.